You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
