On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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