i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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