I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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