Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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