that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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