Need sex. Gaining weight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
