the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
