they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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