there's paper in my vomit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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