Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
