We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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