awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
