i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
