So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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