people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
