I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
