He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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