can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
