it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
