so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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