Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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