I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
