I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
