Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
