we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
