You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
