y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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