were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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