I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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