I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
