capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
