I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize