Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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