My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
