I can text with my tongue
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
