yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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