New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm