Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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