You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
