i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
