guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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