Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
