Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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