no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
