dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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