The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
