areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
