I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
