I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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