we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
