You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
