i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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