is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
