She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
