Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
