Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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