New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
