you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
