That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
