I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
