First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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