i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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