Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
