I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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