I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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