do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
