I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They took my balls.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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