this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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