I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
