there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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