Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
