I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude i'm inner monologue high
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
