love makes seman taste better
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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